Was that Home Exchange or House Swap?

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You say Vacation, I say Holiday.

Summer vacations are here, why not have a bit of fun in your travels and live like a local? 

We all have out ways of saying things, the following is a bit of fun on ‘speaking the same language for vacations and Holiday. 

Ring … Ring …  Ring…

Cecil:  Hello.

           

Jeb:      Hello there. I read your message about doing a home exchange – my log cabin in the mountains of Georgia for your place in Hampstead – is that right?

Cecil:    Correct, sir.  I saw your listing on the IVHE.com (International Vacation Home Exchange) web site and the exchange coordinator arranged for us to communicate.  

Jeb:      Great, we’ve wanted to do a direct vacation swap someplace where they speak English.  Do you mind if I ask you a few questions first?

Cecil:    Not at all. And I’ll have a few for you.

Jeb:      Okay, you say your place is a flat in Hampstead – a flat what?

Cecil:    A guess you would call it an apartment.

Jeb:      Oh, a flat apartment?  No stairs?

Cecil:    It’s a split level.

Jeb:      So, it’s not flat?  Kinda step-uppy?

Cecil:    I suppose. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Jeb:      Let ‘er rip.

Cecil:    You say its two and a half bath?  Sorry, but what is a “half bath”?

Jeb:      The third bathroom doesn’t have a bath.

Cecil:    So, it’s a lavatory without a tub or a shower?

Jeb:      Yeah, that, but there is a sink and a commode.

Cecil:    Right. Indoors, I presume?

Jeb:      You betcha.  We upgraded last fall.

Cecil:  Did someone fall in your lavatory?  Oh, dear.

Jeb:      No, we put in indoor plumbing when the leaves started to turn.

Cecil:  Oh, I see.  Last autumn.

Jeb:      Yep. Say, do you have one of those spray things next to the toilet?

Cecil:    If you mean a bidet, yes we do, in the master bedroom ensuite.

Jeb:      Ellie May, my cousin Buella’s girl, warned us about them. She got turbo charged in all the wrong places when she used one at a fancy hotel in Vegas.

Cecil:    It is quite safe, sir. We’ll leave a diagram and instructions on how to use it.

Jeb:      Great. So, okay, your not-so-flat apartment is located on High Street? How high is it?

Cecil:    That would be the main street in town, and it’s not high at all.       

Jeb:      Then why do you call it … never mind. 

Cecil:    Shall we talk about your kitchen?

Jeb:      Okee dokee.

Cecil:    What kind of cooker do you have?

Jeb:      My old lady most of the time, but she doesn’t come with the house.

Cecil:    I mean the appliance – gas?  Electric?  Wood burning?

Jeb:      Yes.

Cecil:    And in the bedroom, do you have a wardrobe?

Jeb:      I do. Mostly denim pants and flannel shirts. Why?

Cecil:  Your underwear is denim?  Never mind, where do you keep your, er, wardrobe?

Jeb:      In a chifferobe, big ol’ cedar one. Makes your pants smell real good.

Cecil:  I’m sure.

Jeb:      Okay, my turn.  Are you close to a subway?

Cecil:    Yes, actually.  You can catch one right across the street.

Jeb:      Great.  I love their sandwiches.

Cecil:    I mean there is a tube station across the street. You won’t need a car to get around.

Jeb:      Wouldn’t want one.  You guys still drive on the left, huh?

Cecil:    You’re right.  You wouldn’t want one. Does your car have a spare tyre under your bonnet just in case?

Jeb:      No, my spare tire is over my belt buckle.   My old lady wears a bonnet when she works in the garden, but there’s nothing under it … wait a minute, did I say that?

Cecil:    Oh, lovely. You have a garden?

Jeb:      Sure do.  We grow eggplant, zucchini, and rutabagas.

Cecil:    Are those flowers? They sound exotic.

Jeb:      Ha, ha. You’re funny.

Cecil:    We’re looking for a quiet country retreat where we can watch the sun go down over woodlands and be awakened by the cock’s crow.

Jeb:      Will roosters do?

Cecil:    Quite. And what are you really looking for?

Jeb:      A few days in a big foreign city. We want to do and see things we can’t do or see at home.

Cecil:    You’ll find endless possibilities here.

Jeb:                 So, what do you think? Your not-so-flat flat sounds good to me.  Does our little country cabin work for you?

Cecil:    Yes, I think so.  I’ll confirm the exchange on IVHE (www.ivhe.com), this sounds like fun. 

Jeb:      Sounds good. You sure do talk funny, but I like you.

Ready to experience something new and save thousands of dollars, euros, pounds or yen in the process, try home exchange and travel the world.  InternationalVacation Home Exchange (IVHE.com) members save an average of $2,650 for every 7 nights of vacations. 

New to the concept of home exchange or house swap, visit www.ivhe.com and download a free Home Exchange Guide to learn many hints and tips.